The superpower that things will sort themselves out

Amongst my secret weapons are intuition, square lashings, preparing for the unexpected, 

… and that things will sort themselves out.

For instance:

• I had planned to step into the parents group (aka PTA, aka forældrerådet) in one of my kids classes. But the day of the election meeting, I was pretty stressed and missed the meeting. Now a couple of months later, there’s a free spot, and I could step in and be very welcome.
• At work I saw my boss had assigned me a new project for next month. I missed to talk to them about it, but when came around to it – the project allocation had been cancelled.

So recently I have come to value: letting things sort themselves out OVER looking into everything. THAT IS while there is value on preparing everything, I value the first opportunity more.  You might think of it of being sloppy, unprepared and not even tester like.. your loss… What is your secret weapon then?

Read for your kids – special interest edition

If you are a parent to (early) school children you should know that it is important to read  to your kids. Reading the words out trains vocabulary, recognition, imagination, wondering etc etc. So I read subtitles from movies… because

The kids currently have Star Wars as their special interest [1], and wanted to see the “people” movies. The have played the scenes via the LEGO Video Games (GC) and have a range of the LEGO sets – so they had the basic plot already. Feature movies like Star Wars are usually subtitled in Denmark – while animation movies are dubbed [2]. So in order both to keep up with “PG” [3] and helping them read the titles – I get to watch the movies and read the subtitles…

Poor daddy, it’s almost as hard as when they has to finish the ice cream they can’t 😉

In the last months the (soon to be) 9yo have cracked the reading code and have gone from LIX11 books to the shorter subtitles. The 11yo have rest covered, but some of the longer texts are tricky (I’m looking at you – opening Scroll).

I tried reading Harry Potter (in Danish) but even if the story was very elaborate and detailed it didn’t catch their interest. Neither did classics from when I was a kid (Sorry Bjarne Reuter), so I had to rethink the acceptance criteria for “read for your kids“.

See these two kids are not as easily motivated – it has to tie into something they can see a direct interest in. Their autism makes them very picky on the choice of subject. What I try is to meet them where they are, expand their competencies and give them a lot of positive feedback until they master it on their own.

Links: People are people – despite their labels, They are just people, The yardstick of mythical normality, Acceptance is more than what can be measured

1. special interest, as in overly dedicated into the topic and cannot talk about anything else.
2. The Danish “dubbers” are usually world class, luckily.
3. Episode 3 is still to come, though.

Left to my own devices I probably would

“You can easily do a half-marathon”

Yes I could, but the thing is it would need longer runs. I run with the Running Club Tuesdays and Thursdays before dinner. As a simplified example – if dinner get’s delayed the kids won’t eat as well, then they can’t fall asleep – and will need to eat past their bed time. They will sleep too late, and we (the parents) will have less time to the evening chores and being together. Every time there is something I’d like to do, there is always something else that matters that doesn’t get done.

“Come to X-conference – it’s just a matter of priority if you’re one of the ones”

Sure, it is – that’s easy for you to say.  But €2000 + travel is out of my private pocket, missing work hours is out of my pocket, being away from family is out of both my time and their time. And really €4000 is a lot of money in a family with two kids with special needs – where the income is one job, one early retired. Also it’s a stupid argument, as I can point to heroes of testing that I consider “one of the ones” that like me aren’t going to both this and that.

I can do a Test Bash, write blog posts* and articles for the Testing Planet etc. 

I can run 14km in 1½ hours. 

(*: and I’ll try to get back to blogging more)

Quote Left to my own devices

and I could
and left to my own devices
I probably would
Left to my own devices
I probably would
Oh, I would

Related:

• Acceptance is more than what can be measured
• Stakeholders
• Align conference selection and business strategy
• It’s a matter of finding the pieces that make the picture

 

Stakeholders

Motivated by LEGO, Pasta with ketchup, DR Ramasjang Rally – as other boys

Yet with autism (both, as in official  ICD-10 and DSM-IV). They could have been placed on a side track. They could be educated and trained to know that structure and predictability is the known world. But they are too curious, communicative and smart…. #methinks 🙂

We train them to be able to deal with change, unpredictability and the benefits of both direct and intrinsic motivation. Because they benefit from it and it helps them being accepted and included.

Have you noticed that uncertainty is the new normal? Adapting to this take courage, integrity and persistence. #NLDRcoach

— Ron McIntyre (@ronmci) November 1, 2013

Related: DK om at udsætte sine behov,  Weekend formula, That’s what friends are for, The 860 kcal bug, will work for LEGO, The yardstick of mythical normality acceptance is more than can be measured 

People are people – despite their labels

I generally despise the “despite” in the following sentences

• Despite being black … they became a president
• Despite being a Dane … they described atomic theory
• Despite being a child carer .. they where astronomer
• Despite being asperger … they was a genius scientist
• Despite having ADHD … they became a an educational inspiration for kids (dk)
• Despite being autistic … they were an expert in finding patterns (dk)
• Despite being autistic … they can play together (dk)
• Despite being autistic … they had complex emotions (dk)

I’d rather we use a child with autism, a child with ADHD, a person with asperger… A mother, a woman, a Dane, a black person – a person. Children with a diagnosis is so much more than the diagnosis – they are children. People are so much more that their labels, they are people first – labels second.

See also:
https://jlottosen.wordpress.com/2012/04/03/they-are-just-people/
https://jlottosen.wordpress.com/2012/03/24/har-du-set-en-med/
https://jlottosen.wordpress.com/2012/01/27/the-geeks-and-nerds-syndrome/

Har du set en med …

Har du mødt et barn – har du mødt ét barn. Det gælder uanset om det barn har bogstaver i bagagen eller ej – alle børn er forskellige med styrker og svagheder. .. Det samme er der med voksne, rødhuder og andet godtfolk.

Med-mennesker med handicap og sværre sygdomme – har det sværrere end du lige ved det…

[ Hvad førtidspension har gjort for mig, 27 år, kronisk syg |  Syrene Theresia den 29. februar 2012 ]

Når du ser en person, du kender, som er førtidspensionist/kronisk syg/handicappet/psykisk syg, ser du et meget lille udsnit af den persons virkelighed. Måske 5 %. Resten har vedkommende formentlig ikke lyst til at vise dig. Fordi:

 1. Det er pinligt at være syg. De fleste skammer sig over at være på førtidspension og over deres lidelser/handicap.

2. Man vil gerne være privat omkring sine vanskeligheder, udfordringer og handicaps.

3. Mange forsøger at vise et pænt billede/en mere rask facade udad til, da de føler, de vil skræmme folk væk ved at vise sandheden.

4. De fleste er bange for, at ved at fokusere for meget på deres sygdomsidentitet, vil de blive mere syge og forsøger derfor ofte at lade som om, sygdommen ikke er der.

Se også: Lidt autist har man nemlig lov at være

The weekend formula

The more people that are in their pajamas after noon, the more weekend.
The more laundry to sort, the more weekend.
The more the boys play with LEGO trains peacefully in the morning – double the more weekend

But Where is Perry?

See also [DK] Om at kunne udsætte sine egne behov

Lidt autist har man nemlig lov at være

[ ing.dk | august 2006 ]

Ingeniører har oftere aspergers syndrom, som er en mild form for autisme, end folk fra andre faggrupper, vurderer eksperter. Det giver dem særlige evner for mange af de specialistopgaver, men samtidig problemer med at fungere socialt.

Karen Brøndum-Nielsen, professor, dr.med. i genetik og direktør ved sektorforskningsinstitutionen Kennedy Instituttet, understreger, at der ikke findes undersøgelser, som direkte viser andelen af ingeniører med aspergers syndrom.

»Men der er ikke mærkeligt, hvis der er en vis overrepræsentation af asperger blandt ingeniører og teknikere, fordi de jo bruger de samme matematiske hjernemæssige funktioner, som personer med asperger er stærke i,« siger hun.

[ PHLOGGEN | maj 2011 | http://ing.dk/artikel/118859-syg-i-hovedet-og-stolt-af-det ]0

Autistiske symptomer dækker et meget bredt spektrum, fra folk der er lidt rigeligt pernittengrynede med tegnsætning, til personer der simpelthen ikke kan fungere, overhovedet.  

Heldigvis er fordelingen meget tynd i den slemme ende, langt de fleste af dem der har autistiske træk har modtaget behandling. Ofte på DTU, eller AAU.

DTU og AAU bør naturligvis herefter overvejes som et relevant behandlingstilbud i distriktspsykiatrien.

Resten af os kunne passende starte en kampagne for at slippe for storrumskontorer, følelsesporno-HR og rundkredspædagogik og i stedet at få lov til at lukke døren til vores kontor bag os og koncentrere os ordentligt.

Lidt autist har man nemlig lov at være.

From http://adsoftheworld.com

Styrke social inklusion på skolerne

[ adhd.dk | 26.01.2012 | Anders Dinsen ]

…med mine lidt for bitre forældererfaringer tør altså godt tro på at man med inklusion kan gøre højere til loftet i den danske folkeskole og gøre bedre plads til børn, der på forskellig måde er anderledes end de fleste.

Men jeg kan være i tvivl om om politikerne og de øvrige interessenter omkring skolen tør stille skarpt på problemet og gøre det der skal tilFor der skal handles på problemerne: Vi skal gøre det man ved virker for børn med trivselsproblemer: Styrke social inklusion på skolerne. 

Det betyder at den enkelte skole skal arbejde med sin kultur: Hvordan vi støtter hinanden, ser på hinanden, anerkender hinanden. Det er ikke svært, det har bare ikke været i fokus, og det vil hjælpe både på børn med medfødte sårbarheder, og alle de børn, der er sårbare af sociale årsager.

Så også med mine lidt for bitre forældererfaringer tør altså godt tro på at man med inklusion kan gøre højere til loftet i den danske folkeskole og gøre bedre plads til børn, der på forskellig måde er anderledes end de fleste. 

Men jeg kan være i tvivl om om politikerne og de øvrige interessenter omkring skolen tør stille skarpt på problemet og gøre det der skal til.

Se også Kommunerne kender ikke børnenes behov

Kommunen har ikke kendskab til børnenes behov

[ ABAforeningen | Høringssvar | 4. januar 2012 ]

“Forslagene til lovændring bygger på en falsk forudsætning om, at kommunale afgørelser er baseret på saglige og faglige hensyn til barnets udviklings- og trivselsbehov. I kommentarerne til lovforslaget er dette formuleret som, at det er kommunen med sit kendskab til barnet og de lokale forhold, der har de bedste muligheder for at vurdere, om kommunens specialundervisningstilbud er det rette til barnet. Denne fremstilling af den kommunale praksis er i bedste fald naiv, i værste fald kynisk – ikke mindst i disse år, hvor de kommunale økonomier er under pres, og hvor risikoen for at der tages usaglige økonomiske hensyn i kommunerne er overhængende.”

Se også: det er jo økonomi, der er i fokus